Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
