I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize