this beer tastes like vomit already
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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