I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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