We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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