he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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