whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
