So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Fuck appropriateness.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
