At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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