fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
