Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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