I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
