guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
