Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
