When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
