wrigley field is MILF paradise
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize