they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
