Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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