it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
