Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
