Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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