New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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