I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
