it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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