My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
