jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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