She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
