things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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