my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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