So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
