Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
