Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
