it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
