Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
