At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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