How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
