it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Randomize
