I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
