Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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