at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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