Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
