Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
