can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize