Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
MIDGETS
????
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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