so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
