let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
