I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
two words: eviction party
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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