the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize