In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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