I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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