Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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