I bet he comes in French.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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