the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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