i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
