but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
