ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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