I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
