the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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