It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
