i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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