My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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