Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
