So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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