I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
