dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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