Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
