It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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