he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
