"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
