guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Rumble strips road head = magical
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
