I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
